BLOG 7
Mar 13 2025
KINETIC

Met an artist named Adam today. He had an almost all-white beard, a hat, and much to say about gnetrification ('That's not even a bad enough word' 'What is? Obliteration?')

He creates temporary guerilla installments of moving lights, mirrors, spaces bigger on the inside. He showed me a video. They're gorgeous. Vaporous colors drifting and gone. He will not share the details. Only that HE wants them to exist so they do. He also showed me a chalk mural of Doctor Who with a TARDIS-blue penny-farthing. Another temporary work. One good rain and it's and gone.

He says the FBI threatened his life.

He says he builds staircases so people can walk to the hardware store.

He says to keep an eye above the rumba.

BLOG 16
Mar 10 2025
PERPETUAL

CONTEXT: I'm sewing a pattern with the words "PUNCH YOUR LOCAL NAZI" and sharing it online.

COMMENT: (paraphrased) 'I understand the joke but this sort of thing undermines discourse. There are morons who will actually do this.'

Who said anything about joking?

Fact is, I DO think they should be punched. By their neighbors. Repeatedly. These bastards should not feel safe anywhere, at any time.

The only people who can (and have) asked me not to fistfight nzis are my wife and my mother. You aren't them, Stranger on the Internet. You're a short string of letters asking for discourse. Pleading for a softer approach. It is an old, old tactic. Telling victims to be nicer. More polite. Re-word it however you like, that's tone policing.

I did not say any of that on Blusky. It would be like wrestling the wind, baiting the trolls, whatever. I posted a terse response with no swearing then Blocked them.

How's that for "discourse?"

BLOG 15
Mar 9 2025
FAULTY

Daylight Savings can kick rocks. Is there a single person who is EXCITED about this antiquarian fossil of a concept? (Probably. In fact laws of the internet says it's somebody's kink.) If the farmers want to get more daylight they are welcome to get up when they want??? And most businesses are 24/7 with the internet so WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE AWAKE WHEN IT IS DARK.

I don't even have to GO anywhere and I am CRANKY. I mean, I have to go get food I GUESS. Frikking meat sack requiring refueling every four hours.

BLOG 14
Mar 5 2025
MONUMENT

Grey cold biting branches skitter like teeth clack clack clack how many panic attacks this week just one just one print the medical form and that medical form and your feet will touch the air and land and air again that's not your own in the dessert and the train tracks and I don't WANT to go to LA

BLOG 13
Mar 4 2025
Is this how you Luddite?

After watching meltdown after meltdown on Insta, I just have to wonder - How much less would this person be embarassed if they journaled? Spilled all the wrath onto paper instead of hitting "Record"? Hell. Maybe even going back to blogging would be enough. Writing out the words before saying them.

Like so.

Is there a term for walking back advancements? So much is possible now, but also so much is getting shoddy and worse. The narrative of "Old fogeys who hate tech"... I wonder how negative that is. Is it only a myth? The narrative pushed on to us is technology going ever onward ever forward.

But my Bluetooth headphones are trash with no range, I loved my iPod, and I do not want my toaster to connect to the internet. I want it to make toast.

BLOG 12
Mar 3 2025
PROPER

Look for the joyful things. Like an old White man in the coffee shop calling T*ump a "completely unqualified" "cocksucker."

BLOG 11
Mar 1 25
CIRCUMNAVIGATE

There's a passage in We Could Be Rats about Queer kids finding each other through a strange magnetism. Even before knowing they were Queer. Before even having the words.

I wonder about my friend group from high school (1998 - 2002). We weren't big on dating. It was more fun to hang out together. Chattering before class. Racing to find each other for each precious second of Lunch. Did any of us HAVE a boyfriend? Friends who were adjacent to our core group did, but us... Not so much. I don't think that's just because of Catholic Girls Wait Until Marriage (whole other can of worms.)

We knew about Gay people. No one in our class was Out. But from 48 graduating kids, at LEAST one turned out to be Queer (Me). Statistically there were more. Rough estimate 15 - 20%. 7 - 10 kids. =LGBT+ PRIDE 2021 GLOBAL SURVEY Were they my close friends? The ones who drew me in on the first day at a new school saying 'Hi, hey, come meet the others, be our friend', sticking tight for 4 years?

It would be nice if that were so.

Whoever those Queer classmates were - May you be happy. Bright and shining and loved. We deserve it.

BLOG 10
Feb 28 25
BRAIN SPA

Creeping creeping creeping to the longer days

Not kinder

We are not guaranteed kindness which only grows with effort and tears and fury it is so hard to be kind

BLOG 9
Feb 27 25
TAROT (Under the Bed)

Looking for: Guidance

Main Card: 10 of Swords

Bonus Card: The World

Clarifying: The Death (Stitcher's Deck)

10 of Swords: can't take anymore of this bullshit, rock-bottom, make the call and move forward (I feel like I do this all the time? What calls are there left to MAKE when you are SO TIRED.)

The World: Endlessly positive, a flicker of accomplishment and triumph (These seem to be opposites how the hell do we fit those together? A look at the end goal/ hope?)

So because those seem at odds, pull clarifying from another deck

The Death: Transformational ending, evolving to the next state of...whatever we're becoming.

I don't believe so much in clairvoyance. The cards are pictures. A tool to examine emotions and situations, not a map to the future. I like having pictures outside of my head. All of them can be used as a frame. Looking for the ideas and angles.

It's funny for all the fuss of 'Occult' and 'Demonic'? Tarot has nothing on Catholicism.

BLOG 8
Feb 26 25
SOURCE

I am learning to code from my wife. She does such things professionally. I am a mere baby. Anyway it's fascinating how what I think is a 'Quick Fix' always ends up being an hour of editing. XDDD



BLOG 7
Feb 25 25
DEATH AND


Finished taxes today and sent to Accountant. During this found out sheet left out an ENTIRE column (Inventory) and went from four figures to nearly five of loss. Not a great feeling.

I am fortunate to be in a position where I can absorb those losses. But how long? There's major things coming up this year, how much extra wiggle room is there really? Will it even be left at all, with how fast the Fascists are running and hating and burning?

Used to wonder how it felt, in Germany, in the 1930s and 40s. Watching the place you love descend and the monsters rise. Still walk in your neighborhood as the sun shone and your neighbors scream. The mistake wasn't teaching us about the Holocaust. It was acting like it was a singular group of pure evil that the whole world saw as wrong. So big and obvious it could not be ignored. (Except for the time the US ignored it until Hawaii got bombed.)

Instead, we should have been taught about the small people. Not the great battles. The neighbors who held out their hands, opened attics and basements, spit at the goose-stepping monsters.

No, my books are not changing the world. But it is a spot to stand, as long as I can, hold out my hand to those who need it.

As long as I can I will keep throwing books at Fascists.



BLOG 6
Feb 15 25
SUBCUTANEOUS


What was your first fandom?

Mine was The Gargoyles Saga. Active in the late 90s - early 00s, this community hub centered around Disney's Gargoyles. The group was dedicated. Working collectively, artists and writers built on the canon universe as well as three spin-off series. In this era, you hunted fanfiction scrap by scrap. This place was a library.

We also can't forget the forum. My very first place to interact with the wider web. I learned so much about fan behavior, etiquette, and even basic roleplay from this place. It was full of nerds like me, many of them older fans. They were kind and patient. Ushering me into the bonkers sphere of fandom.

I figured the project disappeared years ago. This morning, for the hell of it, I searched.

A choir started singing.

TGS is still there!

I'm reading the same fanfiction I loved in high school. This is wild. TGS was active in the late 90s - early 00s. Decades ago, which is an epoch in internet time. Yes, the net is forever, but so much is scattered and deleted. Somewhere, some fan has spent all this time archiving.

I just think that's amazing.



BLOG 5
Feb 12 25
ROLLS

I am enjoying this manga series BUT:

The "Fat" female characters are always, ALWAYS drawn in the "Hourglass" shape. Big boobs, big hips, and tiny waists. Yes, some humans are built like that. But where are the bellies? The thighs? The stretch marks, the taking up of space? It is not size diversity to have ONE character that's a "Big Eater" but her difference is shown via cup size. There are entire bathhouse scenes in these books, and not one tummy roll. Are you kidding?!

BLOG 4
Feb 7 25
Things In The Room

- 1 dragon puppet
- 2 live plants
- 3 pumpkins
- 4 chibi KDA POP STARS figurines
- 5 bug enamel pins
- 6 cats
- 7 crochet hooks
- 8 yarn flowers
- 9 stuffed animals
- 10 books


BLOG 3
Lymphoma
Feb 6 25

Did I ever expect to run hospice care for a cat? Not exactly. Or at least, not long-term. Our vet can't tell us how long the Big Boi has. Couple of months. 1-2. He's passed 1, needs food every hour or so, we are all exhausted. Still, he purrs and rolls around, demanding brushes and hugs until he demands space.

It feels like there's not enough to be doing, or to try, so here it is in writing - This is the best possible Gyver life.

Part of loving a being is respecting their space.

My grandparents were in hospice. The most precious thing was sitting next to them, holding their hand, existing in the same finite space. Trying to encase the moments. Hold them close. Hold the feelings. Not so tight it all wrings out, which is so hard. You want to cling. Drag it to a halt. Which can't happen.

The love, sweetness, sound of greeting, feeling loved. The contentment of breathing together in one room. All the rooms, all the moments, all the love, condensing into this. Being at their side.

BLOG 2
Uglification
Feb 5 25

It is extraordinarily odd how much people care what stranger do with their own bodies.

I don't wear makeup 99.9% of the time. Because I mask, and 99.99% of the time I just. Don't want to bother. I'd much rather watch other people create looks, find their colors and shapes and joy.
My tattoos, now, THOSE are another thing. Chosen and loved in periods of hyper-focus, anchored down by pain and healing. My identity out in the open air. Much the same way makeup does, it secures me in who I am.

Maybe I will swing back into foundation and glitter. The changeable canvas. Who can say?

All I know is this is something done for oneself. Not Chaddington on the internet. Who is so sure we want to hear about our weight, or face, or whatever the Redditors are jumping on this time. It sounds so exhausting. So small. So much wasted time and effort. I could have gotten an entire 2nd sleeve done with all that.


BLOG 1
I Cleaned Today
Feb 4 25

I hate vacuuming. Yet once in awhile, the urge rises. All the carpet must be cleansed. The vacuum must have its tribute, its pound of fur. Every corner swept. All steps offer up their coating of grey. Flee all you kitties. Take refuge under the bed.

Feels good, though.